I'M FURIOUS!

It's really not my wish to write something UGLY after one year of hiatus. 

It has been a year since I have posted anything sensible on my blog. And here I am, for the love of writing, wanting to vent whatever steaming fire is left under my nostrils.  

For starters, I believe that if someone has given you a position in the company, it is imperative that you do your job. And when you do it, make sure you do it carefully and responsibly. 

Just like in English class, one wrong letter makes a word misspelled. One wrong document attached in an e-mail can make hell break loose! And yeah! I'm not suppose to be the one running around circles here, but it so happens that I am. And being the person that I am, I hate this idea! 

Seriously!!!! This is way too much to handle. I know there are consequences to this action, but the heck, I care! 

I DO MY JOB, SO DO YOURS! %^$%$#%^&&!

BAKASYON I

I remember during this time of the year, when I was still in elementary, I would be so eager to get into a bus and have most of my travel time peeking out the window and see if I already arrived in my grandparent’s hometown.

Summer was one of the best times of the year, for me at least, while I was a student. I had nothing to worry about. I enjoyed every minute of it - going to the city via a tricycle with my sister Lara and other friends. We would squeeze ourselves in and make sure we enjoyed the ride. We would explore together the city that was vastly growing. We would eat at a fast food chain and do a little shopping here and there. Well, stuff was not that expensive back then. So, buying cool PUCCA shirts was really memorable. Honestly, if they could still fit me right now, at my age?, I would still wear them.

Next in line was eating halo-halo. Well, through the years, the prices went up but the taste of it never changed. In a hot summer, a halo-halo would make everything cooler. We used to buy them from our neighbor. The would mix sweets such as cooked sweet potato, sweetened banana, kaong, some rice pops and put crushed ice over it. To top it up, condensed milk would be poured over then a slice of ube jam would finish it. I used to run to my Inang to ask for money just to have one for the day.

Farming. Well, I dreaded the heat during the summer, and the worse was that I and Lara could not get away from doing FARM WORK… talk about that - girls living in a city would do farm work during summer. It was cool though, I have to admit. Well, I experienced harvesting onions, even carrying rice straws, harvesting corn, carrying cauliflower… oh! Those were really the days. If no farm work was done though, we had to bring food to those who were helping out - they would have individually packed biscuits like Skyflakes or Hanshel (I don’t know if they are still in the market) and some softdrinks such as coke, sprite or royal.

TO BE CONTINUED...

YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME

Dear student,

Before you burst out in flame, make sure you can handle me.

Don't come to class geared up with your pride and aura of power as if you'd be able to use it to anyone, especially to me. I tell you, the moment you even open your mouth with nonsense, I'd slash it with mine. I know you need more than words. What you are doing in my class is no excuse.

Never come to my class lazy, unprepared, confused, and more so, arrogant.

Don't come as if you would anything you would please. I empathize with your parents. I won't just let you waste their money by just looking at you slumping on your chair and pretending to do something, when in fact all you are doing is NOTHING.

Don't pretend that I didn't hear you curse me in front your classmates. It is really odd to see a mature person like you, graduating for that matter, to utter unmanly words to a teacher.

When you are a man, act like one. Don't defend yourself when you know you are at fault. I have forgiven you many times. But I promise you, the next time you cross the line. I will see to it that you get burned.

bEfOrE I gO tO cLaSs

Writing makes me sane. Aside from the fact that I need air to breathe or talking to make my day. My first entry in this year was lame. I know… Well, I can’t help the ranting. It’s just like I might constipate if I don’t yell it out loud… hehehe…

Anyway, today, it’s 9:22 am and in a moment, I will be teaching (again)… Now I know how my teachers felt way back in high school. Entering a room filled with students who don’t care if you had this intimidating existence. Kids will be kids, but at the age of 18? I think they need a slap on the face.

I remember when I was 18 years old, I had to really work my butt out. School-house was the only routine I had. Once I got home, I rested for a while then had my pen and notebooks working again. I would wake up in the middle of the night and early morning just to review my notes whenever “hell week” was coming. I was even bagged “the loner” since I loved being alone. I mean I loved my solitary life when I was in college. Well, honestly, I was one who most of my classmates manage to leave out. I think it was because I was a city girl or what… anyway, I’m over and done with that. Thanks for maturity knocking down on my earth.

Ten minutes more and I will be seeing faces of students painted with “I-have-no-idea-what-you-are-talking-about”. Sometimes, frustration just gets ahead of you that all you want to do is just shove it off somewhere and say to yourself “just get over with it” then the next thing you know, the bell rings… Ah… the sound of the bell – music to my ears… ;)

KADIRI

Seriously. Even people who look credible and whose self-confidence is all over the place, one wrong move can drag them down to a place called “ignorance”.

It’s not that I own this place or something. I mean, it’s a place where teachers, who I think should carry themselves professionally and ethically, be at least... uhm... have self-control. But it seems that this place is treated like a... hmmm... how should I call it? Ah! His living room extension!

How on earth, could you possibly cut your toenails in the room while talking with a co-teacher about your research proposal or the intent of studying your doctoral degree in Australia?

Could anyone please give light on this?

BITTERSWEET

Bittersweet. That's how my year went.

I've survived another year knowing that life goes around. I never analyzed the nitty-gritty details of how life puts you in the right perspective until the inevitable happens, until you realize that our life is indeed numbered.

I lost my friend, my roommate, my sister. She was eaten up alive by the mountains when Pepeng hit Benguet last October. No words could describe how my world turned upside down. I've never seen her for two years. We talked, we cried, and we laughed together despite the distance. We both planned to meet this Christmas. But looks like this Christmas will be different.

I found my partner. This year, I fell in love with the same man thrice. The first time is when he dropped me off to the airport. I loved the way he just stared at me on my way up to boarding area. The second time was when I knew he wanted to pick me up from the airport even when Ondoy was strongly hitting the ground. The third was when he knew I wasn't feeling well and he came barging in the house; first smiling at my friends then second wearing that worried face when it was just me who was in front of him.

Kids. I held a baby last night. He was still amidst the noise of people who were busy partying. He was just there sucking his thumb and laying his right cheek on my right shoulder. If a photo was taken, it would seem like the perfect family. S, me and the baby. I realized then that I would love to have my little lou someday.... soon...

I've finished my MS degree. A degree I worked painstakingly for the last two years, with hurts and pains on the side. It was one thing I was proud. But a friend reminded me that my degree shouldn't confine me on sitting a chair and signing and writing stuff. Being a sister, a friend, a mother is career in itself.

I could write lots of things, but one thing is for sure.... LIFE REALLY DOESN'T TURN OUT THE WAY WE PLAN...

LETTING GO...

I sit here staring at clouds… any moment; I know that it will rain. Just like the weather, my life is just so unpredictable. I get swept of my feet, the next thing I know, am scared as hell!

I have been expecting things for almost my entire life. Things that would bring justice to where I am or simple things that would sweep me from the sanity of which I am boxed in…

There were choices I had to make; some didn’t turn out so well. But that doesn’t mean I regret doing them. I believe that without those who have been part of my choices, I won’t be who I am today…

Right now, I am going to make a big one.. a major choice.. One that says “do or die…” (something to that effect, forgive the exaggeration). People might say that it won’t be for me or am far better of without it or they can’t just picture me being there or something… But what they don’t see is the simplicity of it all.

They see complications. I see simplicity.
They see fear. I see chances to overcome them.
They differences. I see similarities.
They see dominance. I see fair share.
They see things from different perspectives. I see only one thing.

I get that they are scared. I get that maybe this isn’t the time yet. Well, good news, there’s no better time than now, I believe that it’s time to let go…